12
When i was 12 i met a man 12 years older than me. i engaged in a heavy, deep, and very sexual relationship with him for the next two years. i got a kick out of it. it was a thrill. i had something that none of the other girls my age had. Somewhere near the end, when i was 14, i was listening to a song i heard so many times before, when the lyrics actually came to me. The Police's song "don't stand so close to me" caused me to jump out of my seat. I scrambled for a pen and paper as i tried to remember "Nabo- who?" I thought, "Wonderful! an entire book about all the great things that can come from a relationship between a grown man and a little girl!" So after a little research to find the book, i finally sat down to read the annotated Lolita. the first few chapters were great. what i didnt understand or choose not to read, i just passed by. this story couldnt be any better. the girl was just like me! she too loved getting the attention from older men when she acted real cute and put on lipstick. But not much further into the book did i come to see the reality of what was going on. Little girls may have the control to drive a man crazy, but little girls have no control over a crazy man. As Humbert Humbert's obsession became more and more dangerous, i saw the danger in the obsession my own adult lover had. Just like Humbert, he tried to control my every move. what i was to wear, who my friends were, what was best for me. My father wasn't playing a big role in my life at the time so he even stepped in and said "if he won't raise you the right way, I will". His jealousy, i at first thought was so touching and loving, had turned dangerous. To this day it still amazes me how remarkably similar the two stories are. I eventually left my abusive boyfriend with the help from another older man. and now here i am, 3 years later, and i just am now finally overcoming him. thankfully, i am alone in this (no husbands or pregnancies to speak of) but i really could not have done it with out Nabokov. Not only was it lolita that allowed me to see the light, but all of his other novels that have helped me stay grounded and, somehow in all their insanity, have restored mine. I am so excited to read the rest of his books to see what else they can offer me.
©2002 12 is the property of Allison. Please do not reproduce without the author's permission.
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